Kingsman: The Golden Circle

A sequel to the well-tailored 2014 spy comedy. This time, the Kingsman service comes under attack by a drug cartel, fronted by Julianne Moore.

There’s one scene in this film where our protagonist has to implant a GPS tracker onto a female target using a finger condom that must make contact with a ‘mucous membrane’. You’d be forgiven for thinking this was the setup to a ‘dirty mind’ joke and they actually meant something else.

Nope. He goes into a tent with her and he fingers her, and you the unfortunate viewer get to see it all.

Couple that with a woeful extended cameo from Elton John and you’ve got a film which nearly made this reviewer walk out of the room.

Please stop making these now. You call yourselves gentlemen but you are just a bunch of fucking twats trying to be James Bond.